UNDER THE SPELL OF NARCISSUS

“The narcissist depends on others to validate his self-esteem. He cannot live without an admiring audience; for the narcissist, the world is a mirror” (Lasch, 1980).

“It can be difficult to walk out your front door when your breasts and legs have shrunk,” a young Instagrammer told me some time ago. She was referring not to her legs, but to a general problem in her friendship group. Visual breast augmentation and ‘leg extensions’ make it easier to get thousands of followers on social media. One example is the app Spring, which makes your legs longer and thinner. The company behind the app advertises that it gives a sense of being smart and sexy with the payoff: “it’s stylish, it’s sexy” – but only online…

One of the challenges faced by many young people today is an experience of the divide between their online-persona and the person they are when they step out of their hall door and into everyday life. And it can be a long journey of defeat, if your body is ordinary and full of those flaws that belong to being a fairly ordinary person. It is the fear of being on the outside that makes retouching, filters and apps for body beautification attractive. A teenager is, by nature, under construction – on the way from childhood to adulthood – and this process naturally entails a basic fear of appearing awkward, wrong, inadequate or just being revealed to be quite ordinary.

Such is the case for most people, even for those who had Radio Luxembourg or MTV in their youth. But unlike previous generations of youth, young people today are their own media, their own stylist, editor, photographer, PR agent and so on. And it requires a high level of self-control when the purpose is to present yourself in a way that generates social status. 

The ability to make communication-strategic decisions that promote the “brand” in its proper context – for example, by retouching the awkwardness and removing the imperfect – is crucial. The young, major consumers of social media have, in many cases, become extremely adept at establishing effective communication – even outside of the online universe.

They are trained to see themselves through other people’s eyes, communicate to several groups at a time and juggle different messages. They have learned out of need or ardour: it is necessary to be able to act strategically to get likes and acknowledged comments from the right people in the group.

FAME

The downside of this enormous focus on self-control and presentation is paradoxically that it becomes even more embarrassing to fail – to be ordinary. Yalda T. Uhls, Professor of Psychology at the UCLA Children’s Digital Media Center, is behind a year-long research project into the effects of media development on children and young people’s identity formation. She talks about a narcissistic culture, where it is about being seen or heard by as many as possible, and according to her: over the last eight years, as more smartphones have seriously penetrated the market, we have experienced an historic increase in narcissistic personality disorders in adolescents, beginning in prepubescence with a childish desire for fame.  And although children’s aspirations may change and become more realistic as they get older, it is precisely in these developmental years that children begin to shape their values and self-images. Whereas children once dreamed of becoming fire-fighters, midwives, doctors or ballerinas; today they dream of becoming the next YouTuber or standing on the stage of a TV talent show. Yalda T. Uhls has, together with Professor Patricia Greenfield, investigated how social structural deviations drive changes in cultural values. Some of the socio-demographic changes that have influenced the prevailing values in the Western world are urbanisation, education and wealth. But the development, according to Uhls and Greenfield, which has had the greatest influence on the transformation of cultural values in recent decades is communication technology. From the 2000s until the present, the number of internet users has increased by 157%, and the use of computers among 8 to 18-year-olds has increased by 300% over the last decade. Media development has shaped psychological development including an increase in individualisation, and, according to Uhls and Greenfield, in the emergence of a narcissistic culture where it is all about being seen or heard by as many people as possible: “fame is a quest that narcissists fantasise about”.

They point to the range of media and those values communicated to children and young people via both TV platforms and social media as the primary reason for this development. “Both American Idol, which shows ordinary people striving to become pop stars, and social media like Facebook that encourage people to share information about themselves in a semi-public online universe capitalises on people’s fascination with fame. By pretending that almost anyone can capture a large audience, these cultural products have become a dominant global force”.  A force that has led to a change in values: thirty years ago the individual’s place in community was perceived as the most important value. Today, it is the dream of becoming famous.

Values shape attitudes and actions; they reflect culture and define community. For example, a value such as power motivates us to seek influence and control, and a value such as social status makes us seek out attention, to strive for what we think the group would recognise us for. In this regard, the individualisation and commercialisation of media plays a crucial role; the emergence of a narcissistic culture where it is all about being seen or heard by as many people as possible: “of the many dubious gifts brought to us by celebrity culture, perfection is simultaneously the most innocuous and pernicious. What’s wrong with trying to improve your physical appearance? It’s a fair question and deserves a straightforward answer. It’s nothing – unless the search for perfection becomes a dizzyingly compulsive fixation that translates into an intolerance for anything slightly less than faultless,” (Cashmere, Celebrity Culture).

I have 7850 likes, therefore I am

Once upon a time, it was only superstars such as Brad Pitt who attracted flocks no matter where he went. But today, we all wander around with at least one audience in our pockets and the young person who tends to spiff up their media-self with body-beautifying and clipped, blurred selfies risks carrying around a basic feeling of not being enough. It is popularly called FOMO (Fear of Missing Out): a compulsion-based fear of being outside of the group, of missing out on something that could potentially affect your status. As behaviour researcher Andrew Przybylski describes it: “an all-powerful belief that others have enriching experiences that you don’t get to participate in”.

FOMO expresses itself as an urge to be constantly online so as to keep track of what others are doing. With the advent of smart technology becoming a fixed part of our communication arsenal, our ability to sit alone without being seen or liked is scarily poor. This applies, in particular, to young people who are used to being constantly in multitasking mode.

Professor Donna Rockwell has researched the psychology of fame – what happens in the existential process of going from being an unknown to a known face. Rockwell explained to me in an interview: “one of the things that is vital for us to exist in a group is the ability to form connections, relationships. It is a deeply rooted human need”. We are celebrated now and then, step out of the flock and become the one everyone watches and cheers. For example, for birthdays and other events celebrating the individual. It is quite natural and an important aspect of many cultures, but it would be quite different if we were celebrated and cheered by the community every day. “When an individual becomes famous, when everybody is watching, when the spotlight is aimed at you, it is hugely difficult to maintain the ability to form natural relationships. And it is a human reaction to shut down and pull away so as to protect yourself. As my research indicates, the person ends up – regardless of age – losing confidence in both the world and other people. Why are you my friend? Why do you like me? Why would you like to get to know me? Is it because of who I am or is it because of what I am known for? In the case of the latter, the individual often develops agoraphobia: the fear of being in public places, which is experienced as not feeling safe anywhere. As Harrison Ford once said, being famous is like walking around with a skunk on your head. It is very descriptive of how a famous individual experiences fame”.

As part of her research, Rockwell studied the behavioural and psychological conditions of a person who had experienced going from being an unknown to a known individual. The known individual, who participated in the study “Being a Celebrity: A Phenomenology of Fame”, describes being famous as “bizarre, surreal, scary, lonely, terrifying, intimidating, embarrassing, confusing and invading. An experience of being deprived of their personal freedoms; one that creates a distance to the world around them, and the consequence is a constant sense of distrust towards other people”. In Rockwell’s words, it is difficult terrain – and extremely destructive. For example, the famous person is forced to create a kind of split personality: “they are forced to shift back and forth between the two ‘MEs’ in their daily lives, which can be exhausting, because who can ever be prepared for that kind of relational dynamic with other people, or constantly act reserved with people in those groups and contexts, which you step in and out of all the time?”

One of the superstars who contributed to Rockwell’s research describes celebrity as a large inflatable wall that is always present: “it’s always there, it’s the elephant in the room, the elephant who’s always there when you go to lunch or when you go to the park, it’s always there”. It becomes an addiction for some – their identity becomes entwined with fame and a kind of love-hate dynamic emerges: they want to be famous, but they also hate what that fame has done to them. They hate that it has restricted their quality of life rather than enriched it. Rockwell emphasises the need to inform people before they choose to expose themselves to the limelight. “But there’s no boot camp that explains how difficult it is and how impossible it is for even the most down-to-earth person to avoid the power of fame that can be reminiscent of an accident caused by a car driving too fast – it changes you one way or another”.

A life in the public eye gives power and access to unprecedented groups. It could be VIP fora, A-list events, restaurants and so on. And this lifestyle leads to an addiction to the kick got from being chosen. One well-known person involved in Rockwell’s research says, “I’ve been addicted to different things, and the most addictive is fame”. Fame is ‘Hollywood Currency’; it allows access to power and influence and, as Rockwell points out, it is, therefore, crucial that this power is used in such a way that makes sense on a human plane. And it can be a long and psychologically challenging road trying to make sense of being famous. For the individual, becoming famous leads to a shift in the balance of power in relationships, personal as well as professional. Over time, fame fundamentally changes relationships with friends, family and business associates. The reason being that the experience of living as a ‘star’ violates the accepted norms for human social behaviour. And this separation and experience of being socially amputated from others creates an emotional distance and a state of isolation.

The psychological process of going from being an unknown face to a known one should, according to Rockwell, not be seen as a process in which adaptation is the solution or the ending: “adaptation is not necessarily positive – it is just one way of living with [the situation]. That does not mean you can live in balance with a limited social life: you still have to live with the fact that there are always a million eyes on you when you go for a walk in the park. Someone once described it to me as “a sea of eyes”. Adaptation is difficult, because it creates a reliance on being recognised – but for something that once was: “hey, were you not once in… is that you?” But the person still exists – and it can be difficult to live with being a ‘has been’ in the eyes of others. They will never again be that person, who ‘was once in’; be that person other people see them as, Rockwell emphasises, continuing: “I have 7850 likes, therefore I am (referencing Descartes’ cogito ergo sum, I think therefore I am). The spotlight shines in our eyes. Western culture praises what is on the outside, not the inner values. It is about how much attention we get, how much attention we can generate, how many likes we get on Facebook, how many retweets on Twitter, how many hearts pop up on our Instagram photos, etc. Everyone assumes it is a confirmation of the surface of our identity and existence. However, no one can base their identity and existence on something so superficial. I am afraid that emotional intelligence is being suppressed in today’s children and adolescents, so they fail to see ‘likes’ and lack of ‘likes’ in the right context”.

When parents urge their children to strive to be seen, heard, ‘liked’ and to dream of becoming famous, they are almost always unaware that the enormous power, which comes with fame may be sufficient to generate narcissistic behaviour. That – psychologically speaking – is not preferable, “it’s a creepy situation,” she concludes.

We are afraid of missing out on something, but, paradoxically, constantly miss out on the myriad of online activity: so we try to multitask ourselves into hyper-social behaviour. And it is children and adolescents, in particular, who have got used to high speed and fast changes – for the simple reason that they have grown up with smartphone-multitasking as a matter of course.

But, in time, superficial friendships become indifferent and uninteresting. This is also true of social media, and we will most probably see more and more people moving away from those value concepts, which define social media, to smaller groups where a greater level of authenticity is possible. The number of followers and likes has a great value, but deeper relationships and close friendships can only evolve in small groups where the purpose of sharing a secret is not exposure but confidentiality and trust.

In the future we will dream of 15 minutes of anonymity

The American artist Andy Warhol predicted that everyone would be known for 15 minutes in the future. We are living that now – the future that Warhol described – everyday in the 2010s. It is a time when social media has created a platform to expose our private lives. And the question is whether or not in the future it will be called ‘15 minutes of anonymity’? Some time ago, I analysed the incognito phenomenon. In this regard, I visited the woman behind the hyped and exclusive Carnival Il Ballo del Doge in Venice, Antonia Sautter. Throughout history, the Venetian carnival has offered aristocracy a chance to escape reality. Today, it is not only the opportunity to escape reality that is appealing, but also the avoidance of being recognised, exposed and captured by paparazzi or fans with their smartphone. The refined masks, which she designs and shapes hide some of the world’s most influential or famous people, from kings and presidents to pop stars and Hollywood’s top names. “Everything is incognito, I could never mention names because the whole idea of Il Ballo del Doge is that they are anonymous; that they are unknown”. Within the last ten years, Antonia Sautter has experienced an increasing interest in her carnival from both well-known and ordinary people. People from all over the world are willing to pay a fortune for the dream of being anonymous for an entire evening: “I think one of the reasons why Il Ballo del Doge is so popular is that we are really under pressure. We are so connected – yet disconnected from reality – and to dream is to recapture our Selves and find human contact”.

The question is whether or not anonymity has already become a utopia – a dream about the impossible, like when man dreamed of walking on the moon? As Huffington Post journalist, Dana Kennedy, wrote in her science fiction post, “New York, October 12, 2043 [...] More than five million people are on the waiting list hoping to get the chance to live anonymously for 15 minutes”.

Some of the material in this piece has been published in articles written for Kommunikationsforum.dk as well as in Danish in the book Phono Sapiens.

Sources: 

Cashmere, Ellis, Celebrity Culture, Routledge, 2014.

Kennedy, Dana “In the Future, Everyone Will be Anonymous for 15 Minutes,” 05.25.11.

Lasch, Christopher, The Culture of Narcissism: American Life in an Age of Diminishing expectations, Abacus, 1980.

Pedersen, Katrine, ”Hvad nu, hvis jeg bedre kan lide mit online-jeg?”, Kommunikationsforum.dk 06.06.16.

Pedersen, Katrine,  “I fremtiden vil alle være anonyme i 15 minutter”, 01.28.15, Kommunikationsforum.dk 06.06.16.

Rockwell, Donna og Giles, David, “Being a Celebrity: A Phenomenology of Fame”,

Journal of Phenomenological Psychology vol. 9, 2009.

Uhls, Y. T., Zgourou, E. og Greenfield, P.M., “21st century media, fame, and other future aspirations: A national survey of 9-15 year olds”, Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 2014.

Uhls, Y. T. and Greenfield, P. M., “The value of fame: Preadolescent perceptions of popular media and their relationship to future aspirations”, Cyberpsychology: Journal of Psychosocial Research on Cyberspace, 2014.

Uhls, Y.T. “My Psychological Theory about SpongeBob SquarePants”, Huffington Post, 08-05-2012

This essay was published in Pan & The Dream Magazine #2, 2019

FOTO: From the series Narcissus with Fischer Smith by Paul Westlake in Pan & The Dream Magazine #2, 2019