I have 7850 likes, therefore I am
A CONVERSATION WITH
Donna Rockwell
No one can prepare themselves for suddenly being exposed and becoming famous. Fame is associated with great sacrifice, which, depending on the degree of exposure, can lead to loneliness, psychological problems such as addiction, distrust, isolation and the loss of anonymity.
Professor Donna Rockwell has researched the psychology of fame – what happens in the existential process of going from being an unknown to a known face. “One of the things that is vital for us to exist in a group is the ability to form connections, relationships. It is a deeply rooted human need”. We are celebrated now and then, step out of the flock and become the one everyone watches and cheers. For example, for birthdays and other events celebrating the individual. It is quite natural and an important aspect of many cultures, but it would be quite different if we were celebrated and cheered by the community every day. “When an individual becomes famous, when everybody is watching, when the spotlight is aimed at you, it is hugely difficult to maintain the ability to form natural relationships. And it is a human reaction to shut down and pull away so as to protect yourself. As my research indicates, the person ends up – regardless of age – losing confidence in both the world and other people. Why are you my friend? Why do you like me? Why would you like to get to know me? Is it because of who I am or is it because of what I am known for? In the case of the later, the individual often develops agoraphobia: the fear of being in public places, which is experienced as not feeling safe anywhere. As Harrison Ford once said, being famous is like walking around with a skunk on your head. It is very descriptive of how a famous individual experiences fame.
As part of her research, Rockwell studied the behavioural and psychological conditions of a person who had experienced going from being an unknown to a known individual. The known individual, who participated in the study “Being a Celebrity: A Phenomenology of Fame”, describes being famous as “bizarre, surreal, scary, lonely, terrifying, intimidating, embarrassing, confusing and invading. An experience of being deprived of their personal freedoms, one that creates a distance to the world around them, and the consequence is a constant sense of distrust towards other people”. In Rockwell’s words, it is a difficult terrain – and extremely destructive. For example, the famous person is forced to create a kind of split personality: “they are forced to shift back and forth between the two ‘MEs’ in their daily lives, which can be exhausting, because who can ever be prepared for that kind of relational dynamic with other people, or constantly act reserved with people in those groups and context, which you step in and out of all the time?”
One of the superstars who contributed to Rockwell’s research describes celebrity as a large inflatable wall that is always present: “it’s always there, it’s the elephant in the room, the elephant who’s always there when you go to lunch or when you go to the park, it’s always there”. It becomes an addiction for some – their identity becomes entwined with fame and a kind of love-hate dynamic emerges: they want to be famous, but they also hate what that fame has done to them. They hate that it has restricted their quality of life rather than enriched it. Rockwell emphasises the need to inform people before they choose to expose themselves to the limelight. “But there’s no boot camp that explains how difficult it is and how impossible it is for even the most down-to-earth person to avoid the power of fame that can be reminiscent of an accident caused by a car driving too fast – it changes you one way or another”.
A life in the public eye gives power and access to unprecedented groups. It could be VIP fora, A-list events, restaurants, and so on. And this lifestyle leads to an addiction to the kick got from being chosen. One well-known person involved in Rockwell’s research says, “I’ve been addicted to different things, and the most addictive is fame”. Fame is ‘Hollywood Currency’, it allows access to power and influence and, as Rockwell points out, it is, therefore, crucial that this power is used in such a way that makes sense on a human plane. And it can be a long and psychologically challenging road trying to make sense of being famous. For the individual, becoming famous leads to a shift in the balance of power in relationships, personal as well as professional. Over time, fame fundamentally changes relationships with friends, family and business associates. The reason being that the experience of living as a ‘star’ violates the accepted norms for human social behaviour. And this separation and experience of being socially amputated from others creates an emotional distance and a state of isolation.
The psychological process of going from being an unknown face to a known one should, according to Rockwell, not be seen as a process in which adaptation is the solution or the ending: “adaptation is not necessarily positive – it is just one way of living with [the situation]. That does not mean you can live in balance with a limited social life: you still have to live with the fact that there are always a million eyes on you when you go for a walk in the park. Someone once described it to me as “a sea of eyes”. Adaptation is difficult, because it creates a reliance on being recognised – but for something that once was: “hey, were you not once in… is that you?” But the person still exists – and it can be difficult to live with being a ‘has been’ in the eyes of others. They will never again be that person, who ‘was once in’; be that person other people see them as, Rockwell emphasises, continuing: “I have 7850 likes, therefore I am (referencing Descartes’ cogito ergo sum, I think therefore I am). The spotlight shines in our eyes. Western culture praises what is on the outside, not the inner values. It is about how much attention we get, how much attention we can generate, how many likes we get on Facebook, how many retweets on Twitter, how many hearts pop up on our Instagram photos, etc. Everyone assumes it is a confirmation of the surface of our identity and existence. But no one can base their identity and existence on something so superficial – on the contrary, that is something inside. I am afraid that emotional intelligence is being suppressed in today’s children and adolescents, so they fail to see ‘likes’ and lack of ‘likes’ in the right context”.
When parents urge their children to strive to be seen, heard, ‘liked’ and to dream of becoming famous, they are almost always unaware that the enormous power, which comes with fame may be sufficient to generate narcissistic behaviour. That – psychologically speaking – is not preferable, “it’s a creepy situation,” she concludes.
Donna Rockwell, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist with private practices in both New York City and Suburban Detroit. She is a leading mindfulness meditation teacher, specialist in celebrity mental health, and an activist in contemporary humanistic psychology.
LOOK AT ME by Guy Trefler